Archive for the Coaching Midlife
In last month’s newsletter the article was called Divorcing Drama and it must have struck a nerve because I got lots of email from women who said “thanks, I needed that.”
Drama is everywhere and somehow we came to believe it’s “just a part of life.” Or is it? For some it’s not only a part of life it’s life’s blood, it’s breathing, food, sustenance. The main point in the article is that midlife is a time when what no longer serves us needs to be let go. Letting go is hard sometimes especially when the payoff–negative or positive–is one we have come to rely on. Think about a cigarette’s effects. It’s not just the nicotine that smoker’s come to the habit for. There is the social aspect, the physical inhaling–that’s a deep breathing exercise in disguise if I ever saw one, the pavlovian stimulus/response conditioning.
Drama can be the same. When we create it–and it’s often within our merlin’s bag of tricks–on a regular basis we get paid in attention, bragging rights, a flood of stress hormones which give us a boost, and a pity party if we are in victim mode.
Maybe you feel I’m being a bit harsh. Let’s pose a few scenarios and see if you change your mind.
Mary puts off paying her sales tax which were due 6 months ago. She looks at the bill every day or so, has the money but doesn’t want to spend it, says “I keep forgetting” when telling her friend how she MUST pay her sales tax. Suddenly, (not) she gets a letter from the IRS saying she owes a 25% penalty which is accruing with interest every day she delays paying. now she has to cough up another $400 which she feels is unfair. Is it or is it drama creation?
Gina has an old car, it’s really old and it has a few problems. She belongs to the duct tape school of repairs and rather than taking the car in for a major–read expensive–repair she “fixes it” herself and worries aloud, “I hope this holds til I get to my sister’s.” She has been saying the same thing for 2 years and finally, about 2/3 of the way to her sister’s, on a major highway with exits spaced 30 miles apart, the car gives up, the engine catches on fire, and she is stranded. Oh, and she never did sign up for AAA even though she “knew” she should. No am I being harsh when I say that some of us are masters at inviting it or can you see how subtly we weave this magic?
We have these blind spots–no one wants to be stranded on the highway of life–that at midlife it’s time to shine a light on. How we do that is by reviewing the things in our lives that make us go, “CRAP” I really ought to do something about this, and then doing that thing you ought to do.
If it’s your health, mental or physical that needs some attention then why not get some information that might help you? Find a new doc, one who listens and practices with alternative as well as western medicine. Get into a mastermind group that works on strengthening self esteem or self care. Perhaps go to an event that’s all about health, what’s new, what’s outside the box but proven safe.
You can stay home and get some great information by joining me for the Midlife Women’s Mind and Body Experts Series. I’ve got 13 experts live on hour long calls throughout the month of September. It’s free and you can sign up here.
It’s not going to cure your life of drama creation but it’s a great place to start learning about how to release it from experts like Dr. Sue Morter and Mary Allen who are masters at releasing techniques and the how of creating something we love vs drama. The other experts–like Dr. Ann Louise Gittleman, Dr. Jonny Bowden, and Dr. Susan Brown are going to help us avoid the drama of lifestyle diseases like obesity, diabetes and cancer. Jan Sinatra is talking to us about women’s heart health measures, Kelley Herring will teach us where hormone damaging chemicals lie in every day life and products and what to substitute. Suzanne Falter Barns is laying bare her soul on spirit guided drama reduction, Jen Louden comforts us with a mini-retreat, Mia Lundin helps us avoid the female brain gone insane syndrome and Amy Ferris, award winning midlife author will help us laugh our way through the drama we do encounter.
Don’t miss out on these wonderful people’s insights and information. Drama is your friend when you are at the top of a high mountain peak cause you trained and climbed it, or on Oprah, or seeing your first book in print. How to get to the good drama? Plan for it, eliminate what might take you away from it like ignoring the gut instincts that tell you to take care of something or show up somewhere.
A common theme in conversations with my women friends and colleagues lately is connection. As a collective, we midlife women want to hang with others like us. We crave face time vs online time and safe rooms to vent, rant, howl, holler, and hallelujah if the spirit moves us.
I’m honored to say that I’ve been invited to conduct two workshops at a retreat being held in the beautiful Poconos, PA in October that fills the bill perfectly. “Women Living Fully, Investing in Ourselves” is described this way by the creator,
“Topics range from living authentic and meaningful lives, financial well being, health and wellness to the need for women to move beyond competition and towards mutual support, completion and collaboration.
All offerings will be participatory and introspective, inspiring and challenging. Sessions will include a combination of teaching, discussion and thoughtfully designed writing and thinking exercises.”
This is not fire-walking warrior style camp. This is gentle but powerful inner work camp run by two women who have been friends for 35 years. On their websites home page it says this: :”Live in a way that is reflective of who you are and what you value.” If you feel you’d like to live this way but haven’t quite figured out how in the second half, then I encourage you to attend this 2.5 day gathering.
If these questions ever run through your head:
“Now What?” …“Who Am I?…
“How do I make the most of the life that is ahead of me?” “…What is it to be a true friend – to have a true friend?”…“What matters the most to me at this time in my life?”… “How can I make a difference in the world?”
then I’d run to sign up cause we are going to get to the answers.
My introduction to these women, Kristine Van Raden and Molly Davis came generously via Amy Ferris, the kick off speaker for the Midlife Women’s Mind and Body Teleseries which begins in two weeks. You may recognize their names from a very popular book titled, “Letter To Our Daughters.” Oprah featured it as did most of the media when it was released. It’s a collection of 40 letters from moms to daughters each one touching upon a timeless issue common to mothers and daughters everywhere. Don’t have a daughter? That’s fine, you are one and the lovely stories in these letters will resonate.
I will be taking women through a process to understand the importance of their story and write some powerful ones. Day 2 is one of my favorite topics, Everything is Food. The other presenters are Amy Ferris who wrote the midlife memoir, “Marrying George Clooney, Confessions of a Midlife Crisis“, Kristine and Molly from Matters That Matter, Monica Holloway author of Cowboys and Wills, and Driving Dead People, and others.
Dates are October 24 – 27, 2010 and registration is now open.
To register: Call 5708282319 and ask to register for Women Living Fully
Cost is an unbelievably low $560 all inclusive–lodging, food, exercises, morning yoga, fun, wine, connection with other women.
This is in no way a pitch fest. We have all agreed that we are gathering to be of service so you will not be handed sign up forms with offers at “event only” prices. None.
The retreat is being held at the Pocono Environmental Education Center near Dingman’s Ferry PA.
Call the number above to register and get your questions answered if they relate to the PEEC. If you have questions about the event please send me an email, gregory@midlifewithavengeance.com.
I hope to meet some of you there. We’ll be doing some transformative work, making new friends, enjoying the PA fall weather, and having fun. No telling what might come up when you take on your big questions but one thing is certain, you’ll be closer to living a life you value that reflects who you really are.
Well it’s official, my Midlife Women’s Mind and Body Experts Teleseries is fully loaded and hoping you’ll join us.
I’ve got quite the line up of men and women who are experts in the very things that show up and drive us crazy at midlife. Like what? Like our sudden mid-section spread, our fuzzy thinking, our mood swings, not feeling sure of what’s next, not having a plan for aging in good health, and on and on.
What’s bothering you right now? I bet there is someone in the line up who can offer help. You can view the speakers at the website.
You can also view the schedule. I’ll be interviewing the experts almost every weekday in September–not on the 10th as that’s my bro’s 50th and I’ll be celebrating with him. Each call happens at 3pm EST.
The subjects we’ll be covering over the course of the month are: bone health, heart health, how to keep a full mane of hair, inner peace no matter what, how to break through mental and physical blocks, weight loss, what works and what doesn’t in the exercise realm at this age, and more and more.
If you can’t make the calls live–oh, by the way, they are free–you can listen to a replay line for up to 48 hours after the live call. Got schedule conflicts? Upgrade to VIP status. You’ll get recordings of all the calls + some live calls after the series is over to see how you are doing implementing what you learned. I’ll be the host of those calls and only VIPs will have access to them. There are a few more goodies if you upgrade so why not take a look. We all know we have the best intentions to show up and listen live but life gets in the way. What if the one person you missed held the key to your feeling better, looking better, doing better in your business, etc? Don’t risk missing that nugget, grab an upgrade now.
At the very least take a look at the website, it contains all the information you need to make a decision about joining us. Right below the header there are tabs that will take you to all the different bits of info you need such as, Meet the experts, WIIFY–what’s in it for you, Speakers schedule, and FAQs.
Hope to be with you during September. In case you wonder why I’m doing this it’s simple. Part of my mission is to help midlife women feel better, feel great, live fully expressed. You need your health and your sanity to do any of that and I bring the people I feel have some answers, resources–in short, help. I love sharing what I’ve learned and have the experts I learned from tell you themselves.
I’m so looking forward to this and I’m planning on making this an annual event. Got someone you think I should consider for next year? Drop me an email.
It’s always fun, and a wee bit exciting I’ll admit, to do a TV spot and last Friday I had that opportunity. If you aren’t familiar with NY1 it’s a cable station that serves the five boroughs of NYC. They provide a mix of news, weather, sports and entertainment like most local TV networks and I was thrilled to spend a whole 2.5 mins on camera talking with Kristin Shaughnessy about how to boost your midlife metabolism.
I spent the day before with dear friend and nutrition expert Patti Milligan seeing the sights and shopping for what to wear on camera. She’s a trooper and loves to walk luckily. What’s up with fashion these days anyway? So many poofy bits on the tops of tops and ruffles where I don’t need or want them.
When one of the colors they suggest against is black and you are shopping in NY, well, it’s a narrow field of choices. They also suggest no white–one of my summer faves–and no bold patterns. No worries there. I was lucky enough to meet one of the only male sales people in Eileen Fisher who brought out tops and jackets galore that fit the bill. I wish we’d gone there first because he knew what would work, what looked good on me and I ended up with the perfect little top and sweater. They say that “clothes make the girl” and I agree. When we look good we feel good.
While I only covered two or three tips for boosting the metabolism you can read more in this article I published.
Part of looking good so we can feel good is feeling we are in a body we love. If you feel yours could use a little work why not head over to my other site, Easy Midlife Weight Loss and grab the 7 day e-course. It’s got all you need to start whipping that midlife metabolism into shape so you can be camera ready in no time.
